I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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