what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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