I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize