i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
