I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
