Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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