i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
