Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
