and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
