too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
