just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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