yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
