so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize