So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
