Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
