the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
