oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
