My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
