ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
