You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
