I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
