I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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