if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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