my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
