new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
