I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
