Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
