i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
