I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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