I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Porn is love you can see.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize