Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
