I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
