Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
