are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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