i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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