dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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