Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
