isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
