so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
