My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
