I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
