Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
