you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize