There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
