you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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