Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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