No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my being single is dangerous.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize