So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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