i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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