bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize