Moan for me like Helen Keller
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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