By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
