Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize