i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
