your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
