Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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