you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize