you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
