I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
