Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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